Wk 13 of 16 Week Program

Ok so I'll be honest I thought about not writing this week and writing just a long one next week ...with me essentially glossing over this week. But I needed to suck it up plus there were a couple things I wanted to discuss even though I felt like such a downer last week and didn't want a repeat. So as I mentioned the week was suppose to go as follow: 2/7/2/9...actual 4/4....NOT NOT good. Good news is that my hips are feeling pretty good...and with new techniques from Shelley I think the ice bathes should really help!! After hearing the "details" of these bathes I'm cracking up and curious to see what my process is going to look like :) You create the picture and then I'll create mine next week...oh yes that's because I sucked this week...and one was not needed...until then..

So I couldn't run Wed as planned due to working late so I ran Thurs. Ok cool...going to get in a 7 mile run...let's do this. Had been a couple hours since food but now it was too close to running so do I or don't I ...and I didn't...well I had nothing in me. And FYI...GU is not a meal replacement by any means...so any strategy I had about using that to sustain me was pointless. Did 2.5m got close to my car...and got some water...went of course back and forth in my head and head off for more... at .5m stopped and walked and turned around to head back.. Said if I'm going to stop now and not do the full 7 then I'm going to bust this...ended up running a fast tempo .5 - .75 mile run around 11:30 - 12:00 pace ( ok for all you runner! This IS my fast tempo ;) ). So of course then I was busting my ass mentally if I was just psyching myself out and that's why I didn't do the 7. Of course drove home annoyed..

Didn't get my 2 mile run in over the weekend and I thought about creating an excuse but honestly...my heart wasn't in it...and just didn't want to. I worked a gazillion hours at work that week and honestly in my head I felt I was justified time to shop and just plain ol' relax and do nothing!!! I know in my heart of hearts that if I'd done the 2 mile run....it would have been great and would have been much needed mentally and made me feel better overall but...I just didn't do it.

So Monday....planned for it and knew it was coming...9 miles! Most I'll do before the race is 10 so I'm essentially getting to the end of the training. I tried not to let the Angel on one shoulder and Devil on the other creep into my head :) Appropriate for Halloween eh?! I really didn't stress about it and just tried to focus on hydration and fuel...well that plan was all great and good but of course work comes into play....I still thought I was good...had my breakfast, late lunch which I think I thought would help because it was still in my system to sustain me and grapes before the run....ok ok...hindsight I know this is not enough but still I done it on about the same. So actually forced myself to leave work at no later than 4:15. Was able to hit the road at about 5:10....and trying out the new shoes. Let's just say I was not prepared for what to think or do in this workout. No energy right away...I wore my visor which I swore I wouldn't again after the last 8 mile because it creates more heat around my head. My head hurt so bad, I felt sick to my stomach...I couldn't breath...it just all felt bad...but after Thurs...I wasn't going to give in...so just kept plugging but honestly for the first time felt happy I had my ID in my zipper pocket in the fanny of my pants...should I be laying flat out in the middle of asphalt or in the grass with ducks walking over me :) I got to my mom at 2.5m and just felt sick...grabbed her water which I'm sure she needed/wanted (sorry mom :) ). She was worried and just told her to continue on her path and I'd meet her at the car in another 1.5m for refueling at a minimum....I continued on both walking and running and was great to hear later that my butt looked great in my new spandex....HECK she should have told me that then because maybe I would have kept running just to show it off!!! LOL :) Anyway the real picture was that shortly after leaving her I was gagging and almost puking along the road..! I think if I'd really let myself do it I would have but I knew if I did I would lose any fluid I had in my body so just tried desperatly to keep it from happening. Any way felt a bit better and walked/ran the rest of the way to the car. Caught up with mom in which she'd told me that earlier when she'd saw me I was looked purple...and was concerned...but did I mention my BUTT!! :) Oh forget to mention I passed off my sweaty visor to her too in which she had to carry that...my mom is the best!! Anyway my head was throbbing and my stomach just wasn't going to stop....so I walked another 1m and was done...plan to give it another go on Wed. I'm determined.

So here is what I can't wrap my head around...how do we know when it's mental and we just have to push our bodies through it and when our bodies are spent and it's just not meant to happen??? I didn't really pay attention to my pace and just went with it even when I hit the mile mark didn't look at it, but at one time I did see I was at about 13:40 which is about what I average if running 3-4 miles. Didn't think to much about it but got home and downloaded my watch and my slowest mile was 13:37 and that included some walking...my first mile 13:24. Normally on long runs I hang around the mid to high 14's. I don't know what to think...first reaction is that for a 9 mile run this is too fast to sustain myself and that's why I failed but the other half is I wasn't trying to go fast. I was going at a pace that just felt normal...so what does that mean and what do I do??

3 weeks to figure it out??? Oh and I'm sure the race atmosphere won't influence that at all right??!!! :)

So during the walk with mom she could tell I was beating myself up and we talked about how far I've come....in about 6 months I'd gone from doing no running to planning to do a 13 mile race, I'm overweight and was doing most of my training in the summer!! I never do anything small scale! I remember calling Shelley and asking her for advice on how to train and her literally expressing her skepticism and her asking "have you done a 5K" in which I reply no. I know she was concerned but she was great and gave me the plan. Start small (to a degree) and work it up..but again I was setting myself for a big goal that many people as I've heard over the many months would never ever do. But that's me and how I do things...it's what pushes me and ultimately leads to life changes!! And while every fiber of my body wants me to do it perfect for the race...I know I won't...and I just have to remember that this is one step, one race in a process to get me further and set a foundation for my life!!! There is this race and the one after to keep learning...

I swear everytime I plan to write, it will be short and there is no way I can babble on about this...but here we are...

So this is what it is...and like I said I'm going to give another shot on Wed. Other thing I find curious is that when you have really good days like the day I did 8 miles...you want to find what the magic formula was that made "the stars align", the "body to feel great" etc. And I have time before and after this race and the next to keep working to figure it out...and I will!!! Even though there are times it's the last thing I want to do and just like the weekend didn't do it because I didn't want to...I'm ultimately loving it and I love who it is making me or like I said reminding me of who I am!!! This was me and is me...this competitive spirit...I just have to keep working hard!!

And this is also my friend Karyn who just completed her first Half Ironman doing the biking leg with Diabetes!!! I remember being there when she was first diagnosed when we were 15 and watching her take her first injections....doing them herself...it was amazing how strong she forced herself to be. Time has passed we may not have kept in touch as much as we should have... but we've reconnected on FB at a time when were both making really great changes for ourselves and it's so great to have someone to support and be supported by!!! Time is what it is...it's never to late to try new things and reconnect with old friends and create new foundation!! If anything I'm happy to take this away with me!!