Alright 2 things....2 more months until Big Sur!! It's quickly approaching...and I have to continue to control my mind from freak out mode! :) 2nd...I think I'm officially a glutton for punishment or just have a big S on my forehead for sucka, stupid... While committed to doing the half marathon in November, I've now committed myself to doing the PF Chang's Half in Phx in Jan and drumroll....thank you Shelley a 202 mile 12 person relay...which I'm constantly researching what will be the easiest leg! Each person does 3 legs and depending on avg pace this thing can last between 24-30 hours...wow!!! Ok so the route is Prescott to Mesa (suburb of Phx)....and do have to admit that a part of me is frightened to death....another is super fascinated about the idea of running in the middle of the night...in the middle of the desert with no lights but the clear black sky and stars...and shadows of the mountains around...and in Feb no less the most wonderful time of the year!!! So because of these latter points....I'm very intrigued and for the most part very excited about it! I just don't know if what I'm trying to do or committing to is too much to fast....I guess we'll find out... THE HARD WAY :)
So outside that here's how my week of running went...for the most part all is going great!! Ok I just lied....the ONLY thing I struggle with is getting those speedwork / tempo days in and doing them according to the schedule....my pace is way off and oh get this ...this is how the run is suppose to go....a nice warm up of a mile and then run my ass off as fast as I can for 4 miles at the decided time per mile etc...and then oh again a cool down of a mile. So let's be honest even though my mileage has increased...a nice warm up of a mile....is not all that easy and chill as they try to make it sound...neither is the cool down and everything in between is either miserable or close to the warm up and cool down speed :)
But other than that....all the runs have been great...and was very happy to hit my 7 mile run last Monday!!! It's strange because I had anxiety about it all day...it's just that the miles continue to increase and it's just getting longer and longer...not just distance wise but because my pace is still between 13-14 min...it's not just longer both physically on my body...but mentally...it's more time inside my brain to psyche myself out. So sure enough during the run...in the first 2-3 miles....I just kept questioning myself saying I'm not even half way there yet...there's still a long way to go yet...and I'm such a numbers person that I'm doing every fraction of time / length etc left to go..how many minutes of music...it's sick I know...but seriously it's what my brain does and I have to at certain points tell myself to shut it down and try and quiet it...strangely I find I do best when I go head down staring at the track in front of me and focus on the music or think about trivial things going on that won't raise anxiety...sure enough by end of mile 4 I was like...hmmm I'm more than half way through...again the fractions :) and ok but I've still got more than 3 miles....then I only have 2...and at that point I was good...my body was numb, I was in a rhythm and I was good to go....the last two were tough but not that tough, not quitting tough....I can say easier then the first 5. Once done....can't breathe....but felt great and again the badge of honor....a sweat drenched t-shirt...love it!!! Can't walk and I think it was the first time I considered taking the elevator down to the first floor for fear of my legs giving out and tumbling down the stairs :) Anyway I was very happy and proud....but again the numbers...the half marathon is barely less than double that...ugh can I really do this...I know the answer...but it's still hard for me to realize I can meet the answer.... Ok so tonight (this is my easy week...a low mileage week due to increase in mileage) and my long run was only 4 miles. I started the run later then I had planned but was still motivated...however didn't eat much. At less then 2 miles I was shutting down....I don't know if it was the food thing or just mental but I started into my 3rd mile and just stopped....walked a lap and grabbed water....ran another lap or two and walked off the course. Immediately as I started to walk down the stairs to leave I regretted it. Whenever I have a set mileage I know I have to do it...know matter what and for me I hate stopping so I just always continue to run. This was the first that 1) I stopped to think about it and then 2) restart and then quit....yes I say quit...because for the first without actual pain being involved I quit. That is a hard thing for me to admit....I don't know why. All I did was 2 1/2 miles which is minimal to what I've done. I can beat myself up which is what I can tend to do...but I've decided I won't...I can't forget where I've come from....and there will just be bad days. Always think good not bad right?!
On a more positive note....I got new shoes this past Friday and the guy who helped me must have been in his late 50's and runs 8 marathons a year and has done a total of 193 in his life....INSANE!!!! Isn't that amazing!!
And another thing...I love that I'm doing this with my brother....we are experiencing it all together and feeling each other pains and success together....been so great!!! And most of all we both really really feel it as a life change and amazingly enough (and my dad is most shocked, not so much about the achievement but running in general) that we are really enjoying this and want to continue to make this a part of our lives!!! Find new events to do which is why again from the beginning maybe it's not an S for stupid or sucka....maybe it's just becoming Steph...me and who I'm finding AGAIN :)
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I LOVE THIS POST!
ReplyDeleteYes, there are good days and bad days. Sometimes the bad days are for a known reason, but sometimes the bad days are just because your brain needs a break, so it shuts the physical part down. There's nothing that you can do but get back out there the next day and show your overprotective brain that you aren't going to die if you run a couple of miles.
Oh, and speed work :) I think I mentioned to you how much speed work is going to suck while you're doing it. But man, will it make you stronger. I think that over and over to myself on speed days. I just know it will make all the other days so much easier (including race day), that I can stick with it for just long enough to get through. I will tell you that NO ONE likes speed work during speed work. If they do, they're not pushing hard enough. Now, after is a different matter. I feel so good after those hard runs. So intense but short, I feel super proud after those workouts.
I love your attitude Steph. There's no limit to what you can do physically. It's all in your head. And with your attitude, you'll do great at everything you try.
I'm still so psyched! Now about Big Sur, RockNRoll AND Ragnar!!!
I LOVE reading your posts! It reminds me that I am not alone.
ReplyDeleteI am going to be on a relay team for the LONGHORN 1/2 IRONMAN TRI on OCT 25th. Like you, I'm terrified.... terrified of letting my team down, of letting myself down, being too slow, pushing too hard and hurting myself, etc. The list goes on and on. BUT no matter what happens - I'm doing what I love to do - bicycling! My team is also the first Triathlon team made of diabetics - so there are some groups out there watching us besides just my team members - MORE PRESSURE!
I'll be thinking of you in Nov when you do that race! RACE ON!
Thank you so much Karyn!!! I've been reading all your postings too about all your biking and that is so great about the Triathlon. I'm just so impressed with all that you're doing and your success with diabetes! You are going to do absolutely great and you only motivate me more! And it's comforting to also know we all have our fears and pressure we put on ourselves!! I'll be thinking of you as well at the end of this month and can't wait to hear all about it!!!
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